16 useless things in a box – I stare at them – that’s all – nothing emerges. End of project?
A couple of weeks into the project I am still struggling for the right words and the true story to pop up and materialize as writing.
I cannot say why I am staring at 16 useless things found on a beach by the Caspian Sea 19 years ago. I wonder whether I have made them the object of a study only for the sake of filling a miniature book with content or because I have a true interest in these things?
This question need an honest answer first of all.
My interest is in their insignificance – the appearance they all share – not in their individual properties and being in the world. My interest is introspective too – I want to study my meandering search for an understanding of the meaning of insignificance, and why I just can’t throw them in a bin and forget about them. Trivial, useless and worthless as they are – or is there perhaps a way I can make them become otherwise?
I laid the things out on a table to achieve some intuitive order – four sea shells here, two stones there, two twigs together, one piece of plastic beside another piece of plastic, three pieces of wood together, one plastic toy man and two flat (almost) round things. Some are of similar material, some have similar shapes, some are just standing out. An aesthetic kind of order perhaps. I decided to make 8 boxes to keep them in (to match the 8 groups I hade made). All of the same design but the size adapted to the width, length and thickness of the things. I then arranged the little boxes with its content so that I could contemplate the things as if they were in an exhibition. I plan to make measurements explicit in a table – for what reason I don’t know yet. Maybe some secrects will be revealed – though I doubt it. I just like making tables. This first phase of my project is what I call the ANALYTIC MIND approach, and it was easy going.
At the moment I am in the process of composing the text and the images for the content. I started out by sketching mapping charts of my thoughts – my usual strategy. I defined the three approaches: analytic, magic and intuition to work as a structure. I composed a script on the computer. I prepared A3 sheets of white paper to plan the layout of the pages, handwriting text and sketching images. Then I realised I don’t know what I am doing. Am I writing a report? In a minimal format? Or am I writing creatively? Did I want to write a bizarre story based on fantasies? I wanted to use my MAGIC EYES approach but I did not know how – or even what I meant by it. Would my magic eyes penetrate the things and bring enlightenment about inner secrets? Would my magic eyes turn my words into something more fantastic and exciting than just a descriptive report? Are the MAGIC EYES just an illusion?